Tuesday, June 15, 2010

This Day....

I gave the Hubs a super big squeeze this morning before he walked out the door.  Today is going to be a tough one.  Today marks the one year anniversary of the day that I returned to work from my maternity leave after Chloe was born and the same day that my MIL sprouted angel wings.  Obviously, one of those events was way more traumatic than the other.  Her death was unexpected, the wound is still there, but the memories are alive. 

Dear Momma D,
What's it like up there, on the other side of the pearly gates?  I imagine that you and Grandpa Earl spend your days playing Texas Hold Em and drinking tea.  I imagine that you are no longer in pain, that your soul feels alive, and that you finally get to see your grandbabies any time you like. 

We miss you - daily.  There are often moments when I wish I could pick up the phone and ask you a question.  A question about your son and why he does what he does.  A question about his childhood.  A question about pictures and memories of your lifetime.  I wish that I had sucked you dry of that information while you were here.  I wish I hadn't taken for granted your existence.  I wish I had called more often.

We are keeping your memory alive.  We speak of you often, and Camdyn knows she has an angel Gramma in heaven.  We sift through the boxes and boxes of pictures that came out of your house and we remember.  We remember.   A hand drawn sketch of you hangs in our living room, a daily reminder of you, of your life, and our family's future.

The sweet part about death is that we'll meet again.  We'll all be together and there will be rejoicing.  For now, while we're apart, I hope you smile at what you see down here.  I hope you look at your grand daughters and laugh, and I hope you know just how much you are loved.

Save a spot at the table for me.


PS:  A few nights ago, when Chloe woke up at 2 am crying and I walked in her bedroom to find her light on, was that you? Because it felt like you. And, I thought of you. And, I missed you.


And, because today doesn't have to be all about sad things....Camdyn, Chloe and I did "THE DITTY" in the car on the way to school this morning.  We turned up the music, Chloe clapped, big straight arm, forehead high claps, and Camdyn learned how to "Raise the Roof."  Because, you are just never too young to learn Old School Hip Hop and how to dance like your mother. 

Today we celebrate.  We celebrate a life that was worthy, a woman who was extraordinary, and another day - like any day - that should not be taken for granted.  


Sassy said...

Carol, this post was beautiful! I had a Grandmother pass away a few years ago and she is still missed terribly. It pains me to know that my younger two will never meet her this side of heaven. Praying for your family today!

God Bless,

Liza said...

Carol, this was so sweet and wonderful. It reminded me of the letter I wrote to my grandma shortly before she died. And it was the saddest thing finding that letter in her home by her usual chair after she was gone. I'm glad I wrote it. Sounds like your memories of her are wonderful and your children will grow up hearing those.

Kate said...


The PS was too much Carol. I'm glad I read this at home instead of at work.