Wordy Wednesday - Truth

"I am not afraid of tomorrow for I have seen yesterday

and I love today."

~author unknown

A kind woman at our church offered to take this photo of us on Saturday.  I can't remember the last time all four of us made it in one frame.  Sure, Chloe is doing her own thing, and yes the sun was in our eyes...but we are all here...all 4 of us.  This photo is a treasure to me.

And then there was anticipation, and eggs strewn about, and little girls who had trouble resisting the urge to jump the gun.  I love it when she smiles so big her eyes disappear....just like her momma.

There is grass and eggs, and the smells of spring...a time of year for new beginnings, new life, refreshed spirits, and new promises.  A resurection. 

She's 6.  She couldn't wait to hunt those eggs and even scoped and staked out a coveted golden egg for her baby sister.  I wonder how many hunts she has left in her...you know, before this becomes child's play for her instead of awe and wonderment. 

Last year Easter made me homesick.  This year it didn't, not in the slightest.  This year I didn't spend the day wishing I was somewhere else....I spent it appreciating exactly where I am.  A day spent just the four of us, running, playing, flying kites, napping, lounging, hiding eggs and baskets; grilling, laughing, swimming...and just being - a family; it was and is everything a holiday should be. 

This my friends, is appreciation in its purest form.

Wordy Wednesday - My Valentine

My Valentine Wrote This:

As we grow, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. 

You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. 

You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. 

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt.  Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances, you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you, and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, be a flirt, & smile until your face hurts. 

Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love again, & most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second you can never get back.

Carol - You do matter, you are a brave, beautiful, out going, wild spirited woman! 
You are a wonderful mother and a dedicated friend.

I'm glad to have you as one of my dearest friends!

Hope my jar of happiness lifts your spirits!

Love,

The one and only Miss V

**and my eyes welled with tears.  I am loved.  I know this.**

The jar contains daily affirmations and they smell good too!  Sayings like:
"Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines"
"Optimists are nostalgic about the future"
"Put all your excuses aside and remember this:  YOU are capable of anything"

Then I spent a part of my day with 18 kindergartners.  Their energy and enthusiasm is contagious.  I smiled from ear to ear...how can you not be happy when you are around kids? (that horse head is part of Cam's homemade Valentines day box - it is a horse of course)

Then, I picked up my little Lovie from school and we sang all the way home.

Life is Good.  I feel blessed.

Wordless Wednesday - Strength

"All things in life are temporary.  If things are going well enjoy it, they will not last forever. If things are going wrong don’t worry, they can't last long either."

~Author Unknown

My strength lies here...

In their smiles...

In their passion for horses and all things horse related....

In their hugs and snuggles and endless imaginations...

My strength lies in motherhood....in my ability to protect, forgive, and love unconditionally.

Everything absolutely changes with motherhood...priorities, responsibility, schedules, finances...

But the thing that changes the most - is the perception of LOVE.  They are walking, breathing, laughing, climbing, bickering, whiny, joyous, bodies of LOVE.

And I am stronger for it.

There Will Be Plenty of Time for Tears....Later.

A few weeks ago we noticed that our dog didn't have much of an appetite. She would no longer finish the food in her bowl, and she started losing weight.  On the Sunday after Thanksgiving she wouldn't come out from under our bed, and when we did coax her out, her ears were flat against her head, her tail was down, and she looked scared.  I knew something was wrong.
So, I took her to the vet on Monday.  She'd lost 3 lbs.  They decided to draw blood.

Last Tuesday the vet called with the results...her kidneys are failing her.  At the most, she has 6 months, at the least 2 weeks.  It's day to day, really.   We've been telling our girls that Kenzie is sick, but I couldn't bring myself to elaborate.  We've been meaning to sit down and explain it to them...but it's one of those things that feels better to put off.  It feels better to avoid reality.

Fast forward to Sunday evening, and I decide that we should give Christmas photos a stab since December is fading and my to-do list is not getting shorter.  The hubs was running errands and I gathered the girls and the dog around the tree.  "Let's just get a few shots...Momma only needs a few."

It wasn't going so well...

The dog was cooperating but the kids were not.  So then I say, in my cheeriest voice,

"Come on girls!  We need just one photo with Kenzie.  This is her last Christmas!" 

As soon as the words escaped my mouth I knew I made a huge mistake.  Camdyn never misses a beat, nothing gets by her. 

"Why is this her last Chrismas Momma?" 
"Um, because she is sick, Cam, and she will probably be with Jesus next Christmas."
"But...I don't want her to die.  I don't want another dog.  I want Kenzie."

It's too late.  The conversation went in the total opposite direction of happy Christmas card.  She started to cry.  I started to cry.  And through heaving shoulders and her heavy sobs, I explained just how sick Kenzie is....and it wasn't easy. 

We hugged.  I encouraged her to love Kenzie every moment she can while she is still here.  Kenzie licked her tears and I explained that Kenzie doesn't want her to be sad.  There will be time for tears later.

I never did get another smile from my oldest girl that evening, but the doggie got a lot of love. 

There will be plenty of time for tears later.  She is going to be missed.

A Miracle to be Thankful For

This is Mr. G.  He is the student teacher in Camdyn's Kindergarten classroom this year.  Mr. G decided to change careers and follow his true passions in life, learning and children.  He beams in the classroom and it shows, the children adore him, and he almost always has one, or five, glued to his side.

Just a few days after this photo was taken of Mr. G dressed as an M&M for Halloween, he suffered a massive stroke.  One so dehabilitating that the doctors said there was nothing they could do.  We were informed of this on Halloween night and told that his chances of survival were slim.  Our family began to pray.  Camdyn would pray for Mr. G every night.  Grief counselors were brought in to talk to the children about Mr. G, the hospital, and death (as frightening as that sounds). 

But, a miracle happened.  The swelling and bleeding in his brain subsided, he was moved out of ICU, and rehab therapists were bought in.  At this point he wanted to see children, so Camdyn and I made a trip to the hospital with one of her classmates.  They were shocked and overwhelmed, he didn't look the same, he could not speak, and he looked pale and frail.  His therapist asked the girls to sing "Happy Birthday" with him, and he would sing along.  He tried, but no sound came out.  The girls left the hospital that day talking about how much they love Mr. G.

A week later, and Camdyn is begging to see Mr. G again.  We make another visit with the same classmate and are astounded at his progress.  This week he is wheeling himself down the hallway.  He is holding the Potato Turkey that Cam made him in his hand, and he is grinning the biggest half grin we've seen; his color is back, his soul is shining.  This time when they sang "Happy Birthday" Mr. G sang along and LOUD too.  I was brought to tears.  What a miracle this man is!  He surely has more work left to do on this earth. 

Last Thursday, Camdyn's class had a Thanksgiving feast in their cafeteria.  Afterwards, the parents were invited to the classroom to watch the children perform their Thanksgiving songs and eat dessert.  It was then, that I saw this: 



A piece of artwork depicting what Camdyn is Thankful for.  1.  The Ranch  2. Natr (nature  - OMG cute!)  3:



Mr. G.  She drew him lying in his hospital bed.  When I saw this I had to blink away the tears, I pulled out my camera, my heart swelling with pride.  Her teacher saw me photographing her art and said, "She's the only one in the class that thought to put him on there" and then she began fanning away tears. 

My girl has a big heart. 

These are indeed great things to be thankful for, and now we are hoping that Mr. G., will be a walking and talking Christmas miracle. 

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

Wordless Wednesday - Slide

If I could freeze this moment and the joy on their faces, I most certainly would.



Wordless Wednesday - The Unicorn

"A long time ago, when the earth was green

And there was more kinds of animals than you've ever seen,

And they run around free while the world was bein' born,

And the loveliest of all was the Unicorn.

There was green alligators and long-neck geese.

There was humpy bumpy camels and chimpanzees.

There was catsandratsandelephants, but sure as you're born

The loveliest of all was the Unicorn."

Poem written by Shel Silverstein, Where the Sidewalk Ends

This is where she gets all Country-fied at the Pumpkin Patch

We went to the pumpkin patch on Saturday....you know the same one that I lost Cam at last year.  I couldn't help but think of that situation as we pulled in to the parking lot. I said to my girls, "Now, listen. This is the same place where I lost a kid last year. We are all going to stay together and hold hands. No running ahead." Cam piped in and said, "Yeah! You lost ME!!"

This year, I didn't lose any children and we had a great time. The weather was chilly and actually resembled true fall. I'll get a few photos up this week (I really didn't take many) but for now...I'll share this spectacle with you. After she was done, an elderly woman came up to her and said "God sure did grant you with rhythm my child."



Rhythm and buckets of personality.

Happy Monday!

9/11 Remembered

The girls didn't get to watch many of their shows on Sunday morning because Momma was glued to the 9/11 tribute which was broadcast on every major network.  It is hard to believe that it has been 10 years.

I sat down yesterday morning with my cup of coffee and watched TV while two little girls played with horses on the floor next to me.  Every now and then Camdyn would ask me question, "Why did the bad guys fly in to the buildings?  Did the bad guys get out in time?"  Hard questions to answer in a way that doesn't evoke fear in her tiny, innocent, and perfect world.  But also questions that need to be answered.  She'll only remember what she reads and what we tell her.  Eventually she will know the magnitude of that day...although she'll never understand the gravity of it.  She'll never know how much the world changed after 9/11.

Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day

It's Tuesday, September 11, 2001.  I'm living in a two bedroom apartment in Oceanside, CA with my old college roommate.  We both work in the 24 Hour Fitness Corporate Office and we wake up about the same time that morning.  It's 6:30 am pacific time.  I turn on the radio and hop in the shower and about half way through I realize that they aren't playing music and radio hosts are talking.  I realize that their tone is concerned and from what I grasp a bomb went off?  Someone is bombing the US?  I jump out, and immediately turn on the TV.  My TV is tuned to SportsCenter which I was watching the night before, but they aren't talking sports.  There is news on SportsCenter that is not sports related???

Out in the yard with your wife and children

Working on some stage in LA
Did you stand there in shock at the site of
That black smoke rising against that blue sky

I call for my roommate and I flip to CNN.  What in God's name?  My roommate and I stand and watch in disbelief. 

Did you shout out in anger

In fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry

My mind swirls as I try to grasp what is going on in NYC, I think of the Hubs (only he wasn't hubs then...he was simply boyfriend No. 3).  He had just flown in to Chicago to play a series against the Cubs.  I dial him, knowing that I'll be waking him from some much needed sleep.  I am worried.  He's downtown Chicago and staying in a hotel located next to the John Hancock Tower (one of Chicago's tallest buildings).  I get him on the phone, fill him in, and then I leave for work.

Did you weep for the children

Who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't know
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below

When I arrive at work, the scene outside has tragedy written all over it.  Groups of employees are huddled against each other, and some women are bawling to the point of hysteria.  You see, we live and work a mere 15 minutes from Camp Pendleton.  The military (marines) have a huge presence in this area, and likewise, many military wives work for in the 24 Hour Fitness Corporate Office.  They knew the gravity of this situation before many of us civilians did.  They knew this would mean war.  They knew that they would soon be sending their deployed husbands out to make this right....and they were distraught. 

Did you burst out in pride

For the red white and blue
The heroes who died just doing what they do
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself to what really matters

We didn't work a full day that day.  I think I stayed two or three hours before the powers that be told us to go home. 

I'm just a singer of simple songs

I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran

My roommate and I spent the rest of the evening watching the events unfold on TV, while we restored a coffee table in to usable condition.  For all it's worth, we spent the better part of the week glued to the news. 

But I know Jesus and I talk to God

And I remember this from when I was young
Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is love

Through all the tragedy, heartbreak and the feeling of helplessness and loss, there prevailed an even greater pride and patriotism.  I'll never forget how many cars had flags hanging from their car windows.  The same kind that people use to show team spirit for their favorite football team, only now they are American flags and we are all standing up for Team America. 

I'll always remember the tears I would blink away and the lump in my throat when God Bless America was played at every remaining baseball game that year. 

The greatest is love

This past Friday night, I saw Blake Shelton and Brad Paisley in concert.  Brad Paisley performed his song "This is Country Music" to a montage of photos of performers who have passed on and snippets of American history.  The song ended with a photo of the towers burning, followed by photos of military men, and the flag.  When the song was over and the music stopped...All that could be heard was a unified crowd chanting "U.S.A." 

The greatest is love.

**Song written by Alan Jackson

Wordless Wednesday - A little bit of Heaven

"A little bit of heaven

Drifted down from above -

A handful of happiness,

A heart full of love.

The mystery of life,

So sacred and sweet

The giver of joy

So deep and complete.

Precious and priceless,

So lovable, too

The world's sweetest miracle,

Baby girl, is you."

~author unknown

This photo was taken by my friend Becky, on the beach, during the fireworks display.  It was chilly, and I was perfectly content to snuggle up with my little girl as the fireworks lit the night sky.

On Independence Day

Now the Lord is the Spirit,

and where the Spirit of the Lord is,

There is freedom.

~2 Corinthians 3:17

We spent the majority of the day on the 4th of July recuperating from an awesome mini-vacation to Atlanta.  I did laundry and cleaned up a bit and we played with the kids, all the while the Hubs and I himmed and hawwed about how we wanted to spend our evening. 

We had several options; The first was to meet friends at the beach for fireworks, we've never watched the fireworks from the beach so this seemed enticing.  Although, then we deal with the parking issues, the crowds, the sand, the issue getting off of the key and home, so it would be a late night.  The second option was to watch the fireworks from the Marina like we usually do.  It's a good display, parking is not bad, and the kids could get to bed at a decent hour (since it was a school night and all).  The final option, was to skip the fireworks, watch them on TV, and enjoy an evening at home with the family.

Around 4:30 we decided to not decide and instead we would carry out our tradition of eating dinner at our favorite family friendly, locally owned Italian restaurant.  We've eaten here many 4th of July's so off we went.

This is the kind of place where the owner immediately brings two plates of hot buttered noodles for the kids the moment you sit down.

But he doesn't charge you for them.  It's the kind of place where it's okay if the kids get a little loud, and the older people there actually comment on how cute they are and how well behaved they are even though they aren't whisper quiet.

It's a 4th of July meal of noodles, pizza, and lemonade that is quickly becoming as much a 4th of July tradition as the fireworks themselves.

As we left the restaurant we noticed that the storm clouds were rolling in.  Black thunderous clouds coming in from the east that were beginning to drop speckles of rain on our evening.  We decided to head to the beach anyway and we would just see what happens. 

We arrived just in time to witness a mass exodus as hundreds (not exaggerating here) of beach goers were heading for their vehicles and leaving the lot.  Parking was not a problem.  We parked and waited.  Lightning came, Thunder boomed, and heavy sheets of rain pelted our window.  The girls watched Dora for half and hour and then got our of their car seats and began to play in the rear of Hubs' SUV.  We saw our friends, who were waiting it out in their truck, they were soaked head to toe, enjoying a brew at their tailgate, and making the most of their time together.

Half an hour later the sheets of rain turned to a drizzle.  We put our suits on in the truck and headed out to the beach.  The beach was nearly empty.  We got a spot for our towels right on the boundary line for the fireworks.  We put down our things and headed to the water.

**The rest of these photos were taken by my girlfriend Becky with her iphone.  I am so grateful she took some photos.  Given the rain and the unpredictable weather I did not bring my DSLR to the beach.  I did edit these photos in LR **

The view was surreal.  A giant, full arch rainbow stretched before us, and water so warm it was soothing against the cold intermittent mist of rain. 

The children did not mind.  Here Camdyn plays with her best friend and her little brother. 

Chloe Belle was giddy about the beach.

And before we knew it the sun was setting.  The kids got out of the water to dry off before the main event.

I had a hard time figuring out which was more spectacular, the sunset or the fireworks...
 

Then, we sat together as a family and enjoyed the most terrific display of fireworks I have ever seen.  They were literally right above our heads.  This was Chloe Belle's first fireworks and she kept saying "OH MY GOSH!" 

After the fireworks were over, we stayed on the beach for 45 minutes while the kids played with glow sticks and had a snack.  It ended up taking us 30 minutes to drive off of the key, and another 20 to get home.  The kids were in bed by 11:30 and extremely tired the next day.

But it was worth it a 100x over.  The image of that rainbow, the sunset, and the children's faces, and the camaraderie with friends will make this 4th of July one of the best we've ever had.

I say...It becomes tradition.

The Father's Day That Wasn't

It's odd having Father's Day and not spending it with the Hubs.  It's a Sunday, like any other Sunday, we went to church, and to Target, we fingerpainted, baked cupcakes, went to the park and swam in the pool...I took a moment here and there to text Hubs photos of the girls...it is Father's Day afterall, but it just didn't quite feel like it. 

Although, we didn't get to spoil him with breakfast in bed, or give him bear hugs in appreciation, I hope he knows just how much we adore him.  If I had to pick one quality about him as a Dad that I appreciate the most, it's this:

He is present. 

Present in the little moments like showing the girls hermit crabs in a bucket at the beach.  He is home just doing the the daily thing with us far more often than he's not.  He knows that the impact that we have on these two little lives will be our greatest accomplishment in life.  He makes us his priority. 

So, I'll write in his card tomorrow, and put the last few touches on his gift, and we'll celebrate soon. 

Happy Father's Day to my Dad, my Husband, and all the worthy Dads out there who enjoy the gift of children. 

To Remember

It was about 7:15 on Saturday evening when we pulled in to our local National Cemetery.  It's a tiny piece of land on the outskirts of town, that we just happened to drive by several weeks ago on one of our "let's drive around because the kids fell asleep" rides through the country.  On this night, we didn't just drive by, we drove in.  We drove in with a purpose...

To Remember.

As Camdyn hopped out of the car she asked me if she could go play.  "No, you may not.  This is not a place to play, this is a place to remember the soliders that died for our freedoms.  This is a place where we pay respect to our soliders."  "What soliders Momma?"  "The ones that are memorialized, or buried here." 

And then we began to walk down the wide aisle in the middle of the grounds.  She asked me what each solider's name was and which war he fought in.  "His name was Edward, and he was born in 1939, and he fought in the Korean war...he had a long life."  She carefully looked at each stone that lined the aisle, careful not to walk between them.

She learned today that our freedom is not free.  She learned that soliders make a sacrifice and that sometimes they don't get to come back home.  She learned how to pay respect today.

As we turned to leave, with tears in her eyes she said, "I'm worried for these soliders, Momma."

"Yes, my love.  We worry for them and we are grateful for them."

Easter Makes Me Homesick

When I was little we always spent Easter down on the Farm.  We would spend the afternoon with all of our cousins and relatives.  We would play basketball in the hayloft and push each other on the tire swing.  We would indulge in a huge pot luck style early dinner and then it would be nap time.  The kids would all tromp up the old wooden staircase and rush to lay down on old creaky box spring beds and nap so the Bunny would hop by and leave us treasures outside.  Easter was not only about celebrating the fact that He Has Risen, but it was also about family...faith and family. 

I think for that reason, I always get a little homesick on this holiday (of course, the fact that SHE just left makes the holiday hard too).  I miss my family.  I mourn the fact that my children won't grow up with similar memories.  They didn't spend Easter surrounded by extended family, or even friends that might as well be family.  We spent the holiday alone...a family of four, which should be plenty.  I should be reveling in the fact that we are creating our own little traditions instead of lamenting on Easters past, egg hunts that we no longer participate in and family style dinner invitations that don't come our way.  I should be happy that my kids are healthy, and we are having quality family time, but somehow there is a touch of sadness in what we miss while living so far away from family.

So, we made the best out of it, despite the fact that our A/C unit on our 1st floor stopped working mid-day on Saturday, despite the fact that it was 83 degrees and HUMID in our house all day long, despite the fact that it rained, and that Publix closed before I got French Bread to complete the meal that Stouffer's made for me.  My children didn't know the difference and they enjoyed themselves.

Thursday night, we dyed eggs with Daddy.

See that tooth on the bottom right.  Its days are numbered. 

I love this photo.  The egg somehow ended up in perfect focus.  This was Chloe's first egg dying adventure.  She caught on quickly.

As the sun set, we left our eggs to dry and took a dip in the pool before bedtime.

Church was a highlight of our Easter morning.  The girls looked so cute in the coordinating dresses.  Hubs tried his best to get everyone to look at him for the photo.  I had 10 pictures to choose from, everyone took turns looking odd, I chose to the post the one that I looked the least odd in. :)

After nap time it was time for our egg hunt.  We did it indoors this year.  It turns out that the bunny brought a lot of chocolate and well, that would just be messy outside.

Chloe finds an egg hidden under Elmo's arm.

Oh the expression!  Cam found an egg hidden in the chair.  Is it just me, or does she look about 8 years old in this photo?  She also slept over at a friend's house on Friday night.  She never cried, she never asked to come home, and she can't wait to do it again.  It's like she grew up overnight. 

My whole world and some baskets.

Oh dear, this is her "cheese" face.  

The bunny brought her bubbles and she was over the moon about them.

And here she is wishing that the A/C was working.  I feel ya, Chloe.

After exchanging a string of emails with a friend this morning about our holiday and the way we like to spend it.  I've decided that next year I will make a more concentrated effort to celebrate Easter the way that makes me happiest, to continue creating our own traditions, and that it's okay for my children's memories to differ from my own. 
I hope you had a wonderful Easter.
He has Risen Indeed.