Wordless Wednesday - Generations

"If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors.  All of them are alive in this moment.  Each is present in your body. 

You are the continuation of each of these people."

~Thich Nhat Hanh

When we were in Illinois a few weeks ago, we finally connected with my grandfather.  He was doing yardwork when we pulled in to his driveway and he immediately put down his leaf blower and pulled up a chair.

We spent nearly an hour talking

and sharing that afternoon. 

And what a blessing it was,

to spend that time,

four generations together.

Sumpin Good - It's Been A Year

My Something Good this week, is something my Big.  It's been over a year since I penned this post about my Father's struggles with addiction.  I wrote that letter to him last April in a state of helplessness as I fought my own emotional battle between anger and sympathy.  Shortly after I wrote that letter he landed in the hospital again and battled through a detox that nearly killed him.  I visited him for what I thought might be the last time.  He vowed not to drink again.

And, then in October we took our family to the "Norf" to visit fall, the apple orchards, and grandparents.  I was ecstatic about all that had changed in him.  He was once again the Daddy I knew. 

The Lord has helped him fight his battle with addiction.  His faith, his desire to be healthy, and his love for his family has persevered. 

And, this week, we celebrate one year of sobriety.  That is definitely something good.

Now, we want to hear about something good in your life.  Visit LeeAnn and link up.

Easter Makes Me Homesick

When I was little we always spent Easter down on the Farm.  We would spend the afternoon with all of our cousins and relatives.  We would play basketball in the hayloft and push each other on the tire swing.  We would indulge in a huge pot luck style early dinner and then it would be nap time.  The kids would all tromp up the old wooden staircase and rush to lay down on old creaky box spring beds and nap so the Bunny would hop by and leave us treasures outside.  Easter was not only about celebrating the fact that He Has Risen, but it was also about family...faith and family. 

I think for that reason, I always get a little homesick on this holiday (of course, the fact that SHE just left makes the holiday hard too).  I miss my family.  I mourn the fact that my children won't grow up with similar memories.  They didn't spend Easter surrounded by extended family, or even friends that might as well be family.  We spent the holiday alone...a family of four, which should be plenty.  I should be reveling in the fact that we are creating our own little traditions instead of lamenting on Easters past, egg hunts that we no longer participate in and family style dinner invitations that don't come our way.  I should be happy that my kids are healthy, and we are having quality family time, but somehow there is a touch of sadness in what we miss while living so far away from family.

So, we made the best out of it, despite the fact that our A/C unit on our 1st floor stopped working mid-day on Saturday, despite the fact that it was 83 degrees and HUMID in our house all day long, despite the fact that it rained, and that Publix closed before I got French Bread to complete the meal that Stouffer's made for me.  My children didn't know the difference and they enjoyed themselves.

Thursday night, we dyed eggs with Daddy.

See that tooth on the bottom right.  Its days are numbered. 

I love this photo.  The egg somehow ended up in perfect focus.  This was Chloe's first egg dying adventure.  She caught on quickly.

As the sun set, we left our eggs to dry and took a dip in the pool before bedtime.

Church was a highlight of our Easter morning.  The girls looked so cute in the coordinating dresses.  Hubs tried his best to get everyone to look at him for the photo.  I had 10 pictures to choose from, everyone took turns looking odd, I chose to the post the one that I looked the least odd in. :)

After nap time it was time for our egg hunt.  We did it indoors this year.  It turns out that the bunny brought a lot of chocolate and well, that would just be messy outside.

Chloe finds an egg hidden under Elmo's arm.

Oh the expression!  Cam found an egg hidden in the chair.  Is it just me, or does she look about 8 years old in this photo?  She also slept over at a friend's house on Friday night.  She never cried, she never asked to come home, and she can't wait to do it again.  It's like she grew up overnight. 

My whole world and some baskets.

Oh dear, this is her "cheese" face.  

The bunny brought her bubbles and she was over the moon about them.

And here she is wishing that the A/C was working.  I feel ya, Chloe.

After exchanging a string of emails with a friend this morning about our holiday and the way we like to spend it.  I've decided that next year I will make a more concentrated effort to celebrate Easter the way that makes me happiest, to continue creating our own traditions, and that it's okay for my children's memories to differ from my own. 
I hope you had a wonderful Easter.
He has Risen Indeed.

Halloween Photo Parade

I promised you photos and photos I have.... and a little commentary to keep things interesting.  Here we go.


This is Cam sitting in the shade of a huge tree at the Biggest Pumpkin Festival this side of the Gulf a few weekends ago.  She does this thing now where she wants to sit in the stroller because the baby sits in the stroller and there is a little bit of jealousy going on.  We let her, because it is a lot easier to push a 45 lbs  4 year old in the stroller than it is to drag one kicking and screaming and whining about sitting in the stroller. 

Cam loves the butterfly tent.  Every year its one of the first things she wants to do besides riding the ponies.  The butterflies love her.  This is the last picture we took of her before we got separated.  I shudder to think that this might have been the photo that we used on the Missing Child poster, had things not turned out the way  that they did.

On Friday, the girls had their annual Harvest Walk at school.  They don't call it a Halloween Costume Parade, because this is a church school and Halloween is a little too pagan.  But, it's fun every year. 

Here Chloe Belle points and says "Sissy!  Sissy!"  as she watches Camdyn walk by in her costume.  I was very careful not to get in Chloe's line of sight because I knew if she saw me she would want me and that would just end in tears.  So, she never saw me, but she had fun watching from the 6 seater stroller.

Camdyn was Ariel this year.  The morning of the walk I applied sparkles to her arms & face, and let her wear blush and lipstick.  She kept sucking her lips in and she tried so hard not to move them for fear her lipstick would come off.  It was so cute!  I had to tell her that it's okay, she can move her mouth normally even with lipstick on. 

I got a little misty eyed thinking this will be the last Harvest Walk that Camdyn participates in.  Next year...Kindergarten!

On Saturday morning, we attended a Halloween Treasure Hunt at a local park.  They hid little toys throughout the park and the kids got to run around and pick them up and then have some light refreshments.  It was a lot of fun. 

Here is Camdyn with a few of her favorite friends from her class. 

Chloe & Abby wore their matching bumblebee outfits to the park instead of their real costumes.  We didn't want them to mess them up too badly and we wanted them to be comfortable.  Gymboree makes some cute stuff don't they?

Chloe said "Ab-bee" for the first time ever and she was so sweet to her all day.  To my recollection she didn't push her, or pull her hair, instead she was full of hugs and attempted hand-holding. 

And then Saturday night, we attended a Halloween party that was for the kids, and adult friendly too.  We enjoyed good conversation, a few adult beverages, and watched the kids enjoy themselves. 

Chloe was the cutest little witch I've ever seen. 

On Sunday morning, I realized that I didn't have one single picture of the girls and pumpkins.  The whole snafu at the Pumpkin Festival made that less of a priority and we never made it to the pumpkin tent.  So, we played hooky from church and went to the local Pumpkin Patch.  Y'all, it was the VERY BEST day to go.  The patch was completely devoid of people.  Which #1, made losing a kid really hard to do, and #2, the pony rides lasted forever.  The girls got to ride as long as they wanted to, until they said "Whoa."  You can only imagine how long they rode.  I walked in circles so long with Chloe that I got dizzy.  Every time around I would say "Are you all done?"  She would say "Nuh uh."  My girls love horsies.

And, I got a few pictures with pumpkins, including this family shot.

And, then it was Halloween night, and we went to Mall-o-ween.  I have no pictures of that confusion because it was extremely busy, and I was not about to lose a kid at the mall.  But, it was a lot of fun, and Chloe picked up the whole concept while we were at Mall-o-ween.  So, by the time the real deal came along a few hours later, she was a pro. 

Thanks Liz for taking this picture and for inviting us over to trick-or-treat! 

If you are wondering why Hubs is wearing a grass skirt....he's the broom.  MY broom.

Yes, my tutu matches Chloe's.  I made them myself and they turned out really cute!  She wore her hat up to every door, and then after she got her candy she would pull it off and say "all done!" 

My Lovies and Auntie Liz trick-or-treating. 

Chloe was not scared of anything, not this creepy mask, or the haunted music. She wanted her candy more than she wanted to run away. When Chloe would take more than one piece of candy from the bowl, Camdyn would say, "She's just a baby. She doesn't know any better. She's only 1." She was so cute helping her sissy out and looking out for her.
And there you have it, our Halloween adventures in photos!   

Down on the Farm

The farm is part of my childhood memories.  It's a place we would go and gather with family on holidays, we would explore the barns and the fields with our cousins, we would play on the basketball court in the hayloft of the big barn.  We would chase farm cats, and play hide and seek.  It's a place that holds thousands of memories of my childhood and I hadn't been there in well over a decade.

Although the land is still worked, the farm is otherwise vacant.  My Grandad no longer lives in the old farm house, the barns are empty of cattle, chickens and rabbits.  Some of the machinery is old and neglected.  But, it's still beautiful and it's still a piece of me and of my family history. 

This is the place my Momma was raised.  The land she did her chores on in the 50's.  It's also her childhood we re-visited that day.

Camdyn was fascinated by the farm even though it didn't have animals on it.  She listened to my Momma's stories about where the animals used to be and how she used to feed them.  And, then we wandered down the path and in to the field and stopped to play with a pile of corn that was left behind.

They loved the way it felt in their fingers.  They loved throwing it and rolling in it under the bright mid morning sun. 

And, I realized how special it is that three generations are standing on this land.  The Farm won't be a monthly excursion for my girls, but I hope that they will grow up understanding that it's part of the roots from which they came.

I hope my girls understand that it's my Momma's life experiences that have molded her and thereby shaped me.  And, it's my experiences that are molding them.  

We are all connected to the generations before us.

If you look at this picture below and see trouble looming....

You would be correct.  It wasn't long after this picture was snapped that Camdyn came sliding down this pile of gravel and took out the poor baby standing at the bottom.  It was probaby the only not-so-great thing that happened on the farm that day.

So, we dusted the baby off, wiped away her tears, and then spent some time playing with soybeans and looking at antique tractors.  My Grandad must have 20 tractors on his farm.  Some are old and inoperable (I assume) and some are new. 

And, then we piled in the car and drove 40 minutes back to City life with the joy of reminiscing spread across our faces, and little pieces of corn tucked in our hems and pockets. 

As Thankful as I Could Possibly Be

The last time I said "good bye" I thought it was the final good bye.  I stood at his bedside wondering how this happened.  All the anger and pain over his disease had been replaced with the deepest morose.  He had aged beyond his years, he was thin, incapable of walking unassisted, he was fragile, and vulnerable, and I wanted nothing more than to snap him in to the Daddy that I always knew.

So, I stood there at his bedside, taking a picture with my memory, fully prepared that this may be the last time I see him alive.  As tears welled in my eyes, I prayed that he would want more for himself.  I prayed for strength for his body, I prayed that things would change.

Today, I am Thankful for his recovery.  I am thankful that he has chosen life.  I am thankful for his dedication to his program and for his commitment to his family.  I am thankful for the life the Lord has restored in him.  I am Thankful for the Psalms which brought him comfort and peace when his body was shaking and the waves of nausea were rocking.  I am Thankful that this is now the picture seared in to my memory. 

I am thankful that my girls have their Paw Paw back.  I am thankful for the beautiful childhood memories they will have of him, memories that mirror my own.

This my friends, was the highlight of our trip back home.  Simple evenings spent on the deck, under the setting sun.  Shared pizza, sodas and chocolate chip cookies with easy conversation and the joys of watching children be children, with my daddy - Alive. Vibrant. Healthy.

And I couldn't possibly be more proud {and Thankful}.

I'm Baaackkk! Wordy Wednesday and Pictureless too!

Finally.  We arrived home late last night and the kids were hard to arouse from their beds this morning.  I have a ton of catching up to do with the blog, follow-backs, replying to comments, emails, and of course there is that photography class that has been neglected an entire week ::Sigh::  Thanks for your patience as I get my bearings.  It's always tough coming home from a vacation, but it's always worth it. 

Ten Things I Learned Traveling with the Littles (this time around).
10).  Camdyn makes friends everywhere we go. Literally.

9).  All kids love Buses
8).  Toys are pointless on an airplane.  Chloe played with her shoes, daddy's shoes, and cups filled with ice (that was messy).
7).  The woman who invented Baby Einstein is a God-Send.  It is the only show that Chloe has ever watched from beginning to end.
6).  My kids love corn.  They love to eat it and play in it (pics of this to come).
5).  It is possible to lose a baby in a crowded barn even with 3 adults paying attention ::insert momma panic, trembling hands, and light headed-ness::
4).  My kids love horses
3).  Baby constipation sucks, but I got some pretty sweet hugs out of it.
2).  If you can walk then you get your own seat on the airplane. period.

1).  My kids sleep better at Gramma's house than they do at home.

I took a ton of pictures, not sure if they are great or not yet, but will share them with you throughout the week. I know there are a few that are going to be framers!

Thankful Thursday - An Open Letter to My Momma

Mom,
You left town just over 24 hours ago, and Camdyn has already asked me a gazillion times "Where's Gramma?"  You are missed already. 

It's always so amazing to me how easily you just blend right in to our family life when you visit.  You anticipate what needs to be done and where you should be, before I even have the chance to ask.  Case in point, you must have emptied the dishwasher 5 times in 12 days, and never once did I ask you to.  Although, I try not to show it, you can tell when I'm exhausted, or overwhelmed, and you remind to take care of myself.  You know me.  You know me, like maybe only God knows me. 

That night when we spent a half hour playing 2 different types of Memory Games in Cam's bedroom and we concluded that memory really does go downhill with age, I was a bit saddened.  Saddened that we don't live around the block, saddened that you can't take the girls out to pizza on a Friday night, and then just drop them back off at home.  Saddended that these moments only happen 2 - 3 times a year. 

And, just as I begin to reflect on the choices that I made in my life; The choices that brought me to California for 4 1/2 years, the choices that lead to marrying a man who didn't live in my hometown; the choices that brought me 2 babies whom you love like they are your own.  I am THANKFUL.  I realize that the choices are blessings, and had my path led me to a different destination, the 2 little girls that brought our lives full circle, wouldn't be here.  The happiness that I feel when we are all together wouldn't be there.  The moments, like Belle's belly laughs during tubby time, wouldn't resound the way that they do.  Those moments would be lost in the casualness of everyday life. 

One day I hope that something will change, maybe the retirement years will allow you to spend more time down here.  Or, maybe I'll find myself a SAHM, and can spend more time up north.  But, for now, I'll treasure the moments, visit and revisit my pictures, and THANK the heavens that you are the type of Mom & Gramma that invests your time in your family.

You are the Momma I am learning to be.

Love,
Your baby girl

PS:  And when I found that 100 bucks that you snuck behind my cell phone as I took your suitcase out of my truck, I smiled.  Because that's what you always do and I could even hear you saying "buy something that is just for you."  And, then I laughed as Liz checked her cup holder to see if you left her $100 too. 

The Enchanted Garden

Last Saturday, we packed up the kids and my parents and drove 10 minutes up the street to the Botanical Gardens.  Now, I've lived in this town for 7 years, have driven by the entrance gate hundreds of times and never once stopped to see the beauty that lies behind the gates and right on the coast. 

I gave Cam a five minute lecture that went something like this:

Me: Camdyn.  We are not allowed to touch the flowers and the plants inside this Enchanted Garden.  If we touch them they will kick us out.

Camdyn:  Kick us out?  But, God says it's not nice to kick.

Me:  I mean, they will ask us to leave, not really kick us.  It's just a phrase.  But, please, do not touch anything. Please.  Please.

So, we grab the umbrella, pack up the buggy, and head in.  We tour their indoor greenhouse, the butterfly garden, and a house that was built back in 1936, all the while dodging tiny rain droplets, and breathing the fresh air.  We take in the view of the water, the boats, and the gorgeous flowers.  Camdyn, is quick to remind me that I shouldn't touch anything, even if my shorts inadvertently graze a plant.  She asks questions about the plants, and she looks but never touches, which is huge for her, because she is known for popping the tops off of every flower she sees.  All the while Chloe sits in the buggy and points at herons and flowers.

Now, I'm not a Botanist or a Professional Photographer, so I can't do these plants

justice.  But, I do know that they were a sight to behold.

Especially, two giant trees, they may have been Banyan trees, I'm really not sure, but their roots systems were exposed, and the trees were intertwined in each other like they'd been the best of friends for centuries.  The kind of friends that grow in to each other and the kind that know that they will always be side by side and weathering it all for years to come.   It was spectacular to view, and even more fun for the kids to climb and wander around. 

We spent the bulk of our visit under these trees where the earth was dry and the air was cool.

And here's Gramma and Cam - that's one HUGE Tree

And after we'd spent two hours wandering the garden, only slightly soaked, we headed back to the car and Camdyn asked, "Mommy, why weren't there Princesses in the Enchanted Garden?" 

Because, my love, God was there instead.