And we are off to Illi-Norf

The suitcases are packed, the portable DVD player is charged and Cam and I are off to Illi-norf.  Illi-norf?  Yes, you read that correctly.  Cam knows that Gramma lives in the "norf" (north) and we've talked about going to Illinois, so in her 4 year old mind, the correct location of Gramma is "Illi-norf."  Catchy, don't you think?  Cam exclaimed this morning, "Mom, we are going to Illi-norf and it's not even Xmas!" Yes, my love.  It is possible to go to the north without it being Xmas.

When I dropped Miss Bellie Boo off at school this morning I must have kissed her sweet puffy cheeks goodbye a thousand times.  This is the longest I have ever been away from her, and it's going to eat me up.  I've already given the hubs a detailed list of do's and don'ts; Put her in the high chair to feed her, no walking with food, even if it is a graham cracker; don't let her nom on sister's toys; give her age appropriate toys; make her bottles a head of time; avoid guacamole and baked beans ::snicker::. and for God's sake do not leave her unattended in the bathtub even if it is just to check Sportscenter real quick ::begs on knees::

Chloe was happily playing in the ball pit at school when I headed toward the door.  She was shrieking and squawking in delight ::cheers for a happy baby:: and when I said, "Bye Bye Belle, Momma loves you" she stuck her little skinny arm up in the air, and opened and closed her starfish hand five or six times, all the while smiling through her binkie.  She has no idea that mommy is not picking her up tonight or putting her to bed.  I wonder if babies her age can actually miss a parent.... 

I'll miss you sweet baby girl - be good for daddy! 

Daddy - good luck.  You can do this!

A New Perspective

It's so easy to get caught up in the stresses of life.  To wallow in self-pity and focus on all of the things that are wrong with today.   This was me at the end of last week.  I lost my focus.  I began to dwell, on my own exhaustion and to-do lists and I began to stress over things that are out of my control.  Now, if you know me, you know that I don't really stress often.  I'm pretty even keeled, it takes a lot to ruffle my feathers, and I don't like dramatic emotional swings (like the fight to make up thing...that was never my style).   My dad thinks that's the Native American Indian in me, I'm basically smoking an invisible peace pipe everyday. 

And then something happens, a loved one gets ill, someone dies, and suddenly all of the worries that consumed the day, evaporate.  This was my reality check, well, more like a reality slap in the face.  Not only is my dad battling a disease that he no longer can control, but a baby, a tiny baby, was struggling for his last breaths.  It doesn't matter that I've never met this sweet boy, or that I don't even know his parents.  I feel like I do.  I've been following his journey for months, and praying for him and his family nightly.   Baby Daxton fought cancer, he fought hard, and through it all his parents had and have an amazing faith in our Lord.   Please, grab some tissues and a cup of tea and read through a bit of his journal.  Read the amazing faith that his parents have.  Although it will probably break your heart into a million pieces, it will also restore your faith, and alter your perspective.  He was only 14 months old when he was lifted up on angels wings last Friday.  I tear up when I think of him and the grief that his parents are enduring. I cried when I placed a prayer request in the basket for them at church on Sunday.  The mother in me can not imagine the pain and grief of losing a child. 

So, What are you doing, Carol?  I am counting my blessings and not my worries.  I am not sweating the small the stuff.  I am taking joy in the fundamentals of life;  faith, health, and home.  I am living for my today.  I will let Baby Daxton's life be a testament to that.  That he affected so many people, he changed them, and thereby changed a piece of the world.  I've had my perspective altered, and for that I am grateful.

My challenge to you is to re-evaluate what is important in your life today.  To stop yourself when you find yourself complaining about the monotony of the daily grind.  To find joy in a child, a flower, a smile from a stranger.  Life is good.  God is good.  And we are blessed beyond measure.

My Blessings

The Weekend Spotlight

It went like this:
Left work at 1:30 on Friday.  Yes, I work part-time and it is like that.
Malled it.  Didn't buy anything.  Sux.  Shopping alone and no motivation to try on.  Where are my girlfriends when you need them?
Made a meatloaf.  Yes, I cooked.  Should have added more oregano, it wasn't my best loaf ever 
Picked up the chitlins from school and had a picnic lunch at the park.
Girls played well together, then Elizabeth showed up...with her sister.  Combination makes me nervous.  We leave early.
Ate that meat loaf
Did the bedtime thing

Saturday
Woke up to kids and coffee...wheeeee!
Played with the kids all morning
Booked a flight to Chi town
To the mall for lunch...it's 90 degrees out.  Buy things.  How is it that I manage to try on and buy with the whole family, but don't on my own.  Weird.
Target time
Went to a bday party at Bounce -U.  Love that place and hate it at the same time. 
Went down the giant slide with Cam and rolled on top of her at the bottom.  I almost killed her, she loved it.  Never gunna do that again.
Ate cardboard pizza, let Chloe try some cake
Bedtime/Bathtime....both kids out by 7:30
Call from the Bestie....Stinky Dave blows, keep your chin up.
Hubs orders a movie on demand "Men Who Stare at Goats"  WTH?  His choice, not mine.  The whole movie was a big ?  We watched 45 min.
Bed

Sunday
Woke up to kids and coffee
Took the girls to church for Hallelujahs; Chloe was happy in the nursery for a change, Chris stayed home to do P90X yoga...he said church would have been more fun.
Sing, pray, laugh, cry a little
Home
Finish the Goat movie....seriously, we watched until the end.  Crazy how George Clooney thought that was a good idea....
BBQ at my house 3:30
Clean, Clean, Clean.  Nothing like company to motivate me to finally scrub a toilet
Mama needs some sweet tea, make that a half and half...I'm trying to watch my sugar.
Friends come over - awesome good time
Pool Time; pool is nice....warm....finally.  Chloe loves it, Cam has a hard time sharing
Food, hotdogs, sausage on the grill....yum....I didn't cook, but I did slice some fruit and open a beer
Chloe loves guacamole and baked beans (we'll pay for this later)
Thanks for coming - it was a blast
Ride bikes around the block
Bathtime/Bedtime
Cam's favorite part of the day "Going to Church" (that's my girl)
Baked Cookies.  I just had to.  So much for watching my sugar.
Prep for Monday
Fold Laundry
Desperate Housewives....why do I still watch that show?
Bed
Chloe up at 10:30 screaming...pain....guacamole?
Chloe up at 4:00 screaming...pain....gas...baked beans?  Yeah bad combo, won't do that again....

Hello Monday Morning!

So, there you have it.  A slow weekend compared to the usual.  The hot and lazy days of summer are slowly creeping in.  I didn't take one picture the entire weekend, but, I did manage to charge my video camera. 

Always a jokester

Last Saturday, after we went to the splash park we decided that we didn't get enough splashing in for the day....so it was pool time.  Nothin' like a good swim to wear a preschooler out. 

Here's how a conversation between me and the hubs went:

Me:  Wow.  My legs are really tired from kicking.  Is that normal?

Hubs:  You should swim more often, it's good exercise.

Cam:  Why are your legs tired Momma?

Hubs:  Because Mommy is almost 40.

Me:  Say WHAT? ::laughs:: I'm not almost 40!  I'm only 32.  I am not even close to 40.  Daddy's an A-S-S ::spells so as not to offend little ears::

Hubs:  You are a lot closer to 40 than you are to 21.

Me:  ::thinks for a split second:: Yeah.  Well.  You are a lot closer to 300 lbs than you are to 150! ::slam::

Hubs:  Get together for a picture.  This conversation is over.

These happy pictures were taken after the conversation.  Oh, and I almost forgot.  This is Hubs behind the camera.  That almost never happens....so, enjoy!

Happy Weekend, y'all!

Mother's Day Gift Ideas

So, I was thinking of things that I would really like for Mother's Day, you know, besides the givens; hugs and kisses and special artwork from Cammer.  I know the Hubs will want firm direction on how I would like to spoiled on Mother's Day this year.  Usually, I go with an act of service, like doing the girls bath/bedtime routine, or a special dinner.  But, this year I thought I would give him two options to choose from: 

Option Number 1:

It's a Canon EF 50 mm f/1.4 USM lens and I want it so badly I can taste it.  It's a prime lens, for portraits, and I really, really want it ::jumps up and down like a toddler in the middle of the Target toy aisle::

The other option:

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I AM GETTING THAT LENS Y'ALL!!!

Thankful Thursday (in a completely convoluted way)

I promise that at some point I will get to the things that I am Thankful for today via this open letter.  Some things are just easier for me to write than to say.  Maybe that makes me chickenshit, or maybe it just makes me incredibly sensitive.  It doesn't matter.  Either way I have a voice.

Dear PG,
Blindsided.  That is the only word that can describe how I felt when I learned of your disease.  It came out of nowhere.  It hit me hard.  And, I am still trying to wrap my head around how you ended up here.  Here.  In the situation where you daily are choosing between life and death, and daily making the wrong choice.  Here.  Where your body is telling you to stop.  Just stop.  But you can't.  Your disease has taken over and polluted your mind.  You try your best to pretend that everything is going to be okay, and that you are not scared of death. But that is cowardly.  Cowardly, in that you are choosing the easy route.  You are choosing the path that requires the least amount of heart ache, pain, and trouble for you.  It is selfish.  You can no longer see past your own desires.  You can't see the pain in your loved ones eyes, the tears that have been shed on your behalf, and the big black hole that you will leave in our lives once you breathe no more.

I bounce back and forth between being completely understanding and sympathetic to your disease, and then a half hour later, I am angry.  Angry at you, for no longer being the man I knew.  For refusing help, for destroying our hopes, and for not wanting to live. 

So, I sit 1,200 miles away and removed from the situation, but still affected, and still just as helpless as those that are physically near you.  There is nothing I can do to make you change your mind.  There is nothing I can do to make you want to live, get healthy, enjoy the rest of your life.  You have to want to do that.  The only thing I can do is cling to the memories I have of you and the wonderful childhood you gave us.  I want that to be your legacy.  Not your alcoholism.  I wish my mere existence was enough to make you want to stay sober.  But, it isn't.  See this?

Six beautiful miracles all lined up on the couch.  Each one of them special to you in their own way.  Some share your blood and some share your heart.  They all adore you.  You.  You as you used to be.  I would love for you to impact their childhood the way you impacted mine.  It kills me that you are taking that from them. 

In all of this mess, what am I Thankful for this Thursday?  I am thankful for this.

Because regardless of what the future holds for you.  I look in the eyes of mine every day.  As emotionally confused as I am right now, I see my beautiful babies and I lose myself in them.  I lose myself in the daily grind, and the daily joy of their lives and I am Thankful for that.  They give me a reason to carry on, to make good choices, to take good care of myself.  I NEED to see their future.   

I recall a conversation with you once when I was about 15 years old.  You told me that you would support me financially and emotionally in any thing in the world that I wanted to do as long as it wasn't drugs.  You held up your end of the bargain and so did I.  Now, it is time for you to make that deal again.  To stop drowning your pain in a bottle that has no bottom, to ask for help, to lean on your family for support, and to want to be healthy.  I don't know how much time you have left before your organs fail you, but I fear that time is short. Suicide by shot glass is the way you will go, and devastation you will leave behind.

You once told me that there were 3 rules in life.

DON'T. BE. STUPID.

I always found that really clever and memorable, because it wasn't 3 rules, but 3 words.  I'll close with that.  Don't.Be.Stupid.

Love You Forever and Always,

Your Baby Girl

A new Word on Wednesday

I interrupt wordless Wednesday this week to bring you One New Word Wednesday, courtesy of Cammer.  Now the back story:

Did you ever wonder at what age kids started demanding certain brands, or styles of clothing?  I did.  I thought I would be able to dress my girls however I liked until they were at least 6 or 7 years old.  After that, I figured they would succumb to peer pressure and demand certain brands in order to fit in with their peers and begin to exert their own taste in fashion.  Well, I was hella wrong, cause the age that starts is 4!  The other day, Cam pointed out a number of little girls in her class that have Twinkle Toe shoes.  She jumped up and down and begged for a pair of those shoes.  She even dragged me in front of the TV one morning to watch a commercial about Twinkle Toes (made by Sketchers).  Well, the child has feet that grow faster than the stink in the diaper pail, and she needed new shoes.  So, meh.  Why not?  The store did not have them in her size, so we ordered them and we picked them up last night.

Cute, right?  And the toes light up when she walks.  Annoying, but cute, right?  And since this store has a buy one get one 50 policy, we couldn't leave out Miss Bellie Boo.

She can't even walk in shoes with a sole like this, but one day she will.  They are so tiny, and so cute, oh, and they light up too!  We put them on her last night and they totally look like clown shoes on her wittle feet.  She'll grow in to them by summer.

I almost forgot my point.  The word.  On the way home from the mall, Cam says, "Mom, my Twinkle Toes are sooooo PUTE!"  Pute?  Huh?  In all of her sass and splendor she explains, "PUTE.  You know, Cute, and Pretty at the same time."  Oh.  I get it.  I didn't realize a 4 year old could be that clever.  And now I feel like a hip momma clued in on four year-old lingo.  Add that one Urban Dictionary.

And one more thing, Cam did not go to bed on time last night, so her brand new precious shoes are sitting on top of our bureau today along with her TV which was also removed from her bedroom.  She'll have to earn the right to wear these bad boys.  And no, we aren't going to buy her everything her little heart desires, as hard as that might be.