A Little Bit Broken

Last week, on our way to the gym, Camdyn and I made a stop at my favorite little cupcake store.  Totally counterproductive, but that's the way it works, I guess.  The cupcake store is located right next to a florist shop.  So, to kill some time, we wander in and look around.  Camdyn spies this little Gund stuffed Eagle.  It's cute and she wants it very badly.  I look at the sticker...$12.99.  I tell her that she'll have to earn it. 

We get in the car and we work out details on how she can earn this toy.  I tell her that if she gets stars on her behavior chart for the next two days then she earns the eagle toy.  Thursday she got a star, and Friday, she ended up with a straight face for disruptive/loud voice in the Library.  No toy for Camdyn.

So, this week brings a fresh start and a new goal...two stars in a row earns the toy.  She accomplishes her goal and yesterday on our way to the gym, we buy Camdyn her prized Eagle. 
(Cam is obsessed with birds right now - thank you Rio - and her school mascot is the Eagles...so she is super happy about this stuffie). She is so proud of herself and can't wait to show her teacher.  She talks about it all night long and sleeps with her eagle (named Flower) tucked in neatly beside her.

This morning, I tell Camdyn that she can bring the eagle in and show her teacher, but then the eagle is coming to the truck with me, toys aren't allowed at school.  She was on board with this idea.

We get to school early, she is playing with her eagle and is totally pumped to show her teacher. When the door opens she strolls in with her toy, and 10 other kids, and some parents. She waits patiently for her teacher's attention. She finally taps her on the hand and says "Look - Eagle." Her teacher says, "cute" and then goes back to the conversation she was having with a 9 year old school patrol. Cam stands there for another 2 minutes, waiting to have more of a conversation with her teacher about her eagle. She finally gives up, and walks over to me, half broken hearted because the teacher didn't give her more attention.

::Sidebar:: I don't blame the teacher, she's busy, she has a million things to do in the morning, she has kids and parents coming through the door, she just didn't have time, and I get that, I really do.

BUT - the look on Cam's face killed me. I can still see her...eyes turned down, but trying to put on a smile as she handed me her Eagle to take home. The look of sheer disappointment blanketed her face. So, I said, "She said the eagle was "cute." She liked it!!" Cam just shrugged her shoulders. Then I left.

On the ride to work I was thinking about how something so important to a child is often just tossed aside by adults because we are too busy with our own lives and agendas to see their simple pleasures.
I wonder how many times I have done that same thing to her, only I was too busy to see that look of disappointment wash over her face.  Five times? A hundred times?  I have no idea.

So, I sit here, a little bit broken.   Feeling every bit as disappointed as my little girl was this morning.  I should have walked into her classroom with her (instead of waiting in the hallway) and said "Cam has something special to show you. She's been waiting all night to show you this." 

I should have made it important, because it was important, to my child.

I can't change what happened this morning, and like a good friend told me , "Luckily they [kids] also forgive and forget pretty easily."  She is right, Cam probably shook off her disappointment like a champ after I left the room.

But, me, I'm going to remember this...and the next time I find myself saying "one second" or "in a few minutes" or "not right now."  I'm going to stop and remember the lesson here. 

Time, is not more valuable than her sense of significance. 

She is worth it.

Her accomplishments, her imagination, her stories, and her interests are worth time.