We are back from our quick trip up north. We spent a lot of time with family, met up with my childhood best friend, and managed to squeeze in quite a few activities. We had a wonderful time. I have photos to share and stories to tell, but not before I share this one. The one that weighs on my soul like a paperweight.
It is 4:00 pm when we board the Allegiant flight headed south from Rockford to St. Pete. We didn't purchase seats so we board toward the end when they open the seating up to families flying with small children. I am happy to find seats toward the front of the plane, close to the lavatory making us the first people off of the plane. We sit in the third row and Camdyn selects the window seat. We settle in, we color until we are instructed to put the tray table up. When we are at cruising altitude Cam takes out her DVD player and she watches a movie, while I delve back in to Water for Elephants, it would be awesome if I could finish this book before we land.
About an hour in to the flight Cam announces that she has to go potty. The lavatory is occupied so I instruct her to go up there and wait and I'll come up when it's her turn. She's standing just two rows ahead of me. She begins to tinker with the woman's armrest who is sitting on the aisle in the bulk head row. I instruct her to stop, and she does, and then she waits her turn, doing a mild version of the potty dance while she waits. When it's her turn, I get up and help her in to the rest room, I wait outside the door to help her when she needs it. I notice that the woman in the middle seat of the bulk head row is staring at me. I smile warmly. I figure she is curious about Cam, or is interested in how we are juggling the bathroom routine. She stares the entire time I am standing there.
We take our seats and Cam watches her movie until we are instructed to put the DVD player away and prepare for landing. At this time Cam notices that there is a little girl sitting directly behind her. They start talking and laughing and playing an "Eye Spy" game. On one occasion I remind Cam to use her inside voice. They continue to giggle and shriek and Cam announces that she just can't wait to see her Daddy.
We land. I begin to get my bags together and I realize that someone is yelling, so I look up, just in time to connect eyes with the elderly woman who was sitting in the middle seat in the bulk head row. She says, "You have the most annoying kid on the planet." My heart starts racing, my mind begins to swirl. Is she talking to me? I look at Cam, her dark almond eyes are wide, but she says nothing. The woman turns around, so I try to dismiss it. But, she wasn't done. She turns around again and declares, "Oh My God. She has 3!" What? She begins chattering with the women next to her, apparently mistaking other children in the aisle for my children. My heart is thumping. I'm not good with verbal confrontation, but I feel a need to stand up for myself and my daughter. Everyone is watching.
She connects eyes with me a final time. She lifts a crooked, gnarled finger, and points it at Camdyn and says "Your child is a Brat. A Brat. That's all she is. A Brat." I have a lump in my throat and tears welling in my eyes. When I finally speak my voice is an octave higher than it normally is. I manage the words. "She is a child." And, that's the best I can do. I offer no apologies, I do not ask questions, I do not berate her, I can say nothing more. I look at Cam and her eyes are wild, there is fear behind them. The woman retreats off the plane.
I feel a warm hand on my shoulder, "Don't let that ruin your trip, doll." "I won't" I say, but it already has. I know me. I know this will weigh on my heart. I know I won't be able to shake this off. This was a direct judgement on my parenting skills, or lack of. My mind is swirling. How did we manage to make this woman so angry? We were sitting 2 rows behind her and across the aisle - How did this happen? Was everyone annoyed by my kid?
We gather our suitcases and head down the Jetway. Another woman approaches me and says "it's hard to keep little ones still and quiet the whole flight." I know she was trying to help, but it didn't. She was still and quiet for 90% of the flight. She was only talking for the last 15 minutes. My stomach churns.
When we are back at the car, I pull Cam in to a hug and tell her that she did a wonderful job on the flight, and that she was well behaved. She said, "Momma. That lady was mean to you. She was a bully." You know what, she was a bully. For some reason pointing fingers and calling a 5 year old names made her feel better. Maybe she felt validated by her judgements, or more important. The whole spectacle must have given her some sort of perverse pleasure. I explain to Cam that some people don't find children's laughter enjoyable, and that some people have hearts made of stone. "It's not our fault, Love."
We have an hour car ride home and I replay the situation over and over in my mind. For a split second I wish that Cam wouldn't have gotten so excited toward the end of the plane ride. I wish she was a quiet, demure child and I almost wish her exuberant energy away. Immediately, I hate myself for thinking such thoughts, even for a split second. Those are the qualities about her that I adore. That is who she is, and I love her bubbly energy and her zest for life. And, then I start tearing in to myself, why can't I stand up for myself, why can't I think on my feet in a confrontation, why do I slink down with my tail between my legs unable to offer a defense. Why am I so averse to confrontation?
And then I realize, although God did not grant me the gift of verbal eloquence, especially in a confrontation, he did grant me the gift of composure. After a call to the Bestie and a few tears later, I realize that I set a good example for my daughter. Caught in a hard spot between being a role model, respecting my elders, and standing up for myself, I did the best I could.
Looking back, I realize that woman was glowering at me while Cam used the restroom half way through the flight. She had it out for her then. She wasn't looking at me out of curiosity or because Cam was dressed nicely, she was giving me the evil eye. At that time, the only thing Cam could have done to set her off was tinker with the arm rest on the aisle seat (it wasn't even her arm rest). Her reaction to that slight disturbance was uncalled for and unjustified, and I don't care what a child does, there is no room for name calling.
I prayed for that woman last night. I prayed that the Lord would soften her heart, that he would ease her pains and her frustrations, and whatever ailments she is facing that make her world such a dark and hurtful place. And then I prayed for myself, that God would lift these judgements from my heart, that he would give me peace and restore my confidence in the human race and my own parenting skills. And, then I offered thanks for the fact that my husband was not on the plane when the incident occurred. As deficient as my verbal skills are, my husband makes up for it ten fold. He cares not what people around him think. His words are quick and on point. Had he been there, it would have gotten ugly. The woman would not have gotten the last word, and I'm sure that the Hubs would have ended up zip tied to a chair and Camdyn probably would have been terrified by a confrontation of that proportion.
I expect after incidences like this one, and
the one at Chick Fil A last June, I will eventually find my voice.
No one ever said it would be easy.
